7/14/04

human frailty

What amazing creatures we are. Once again I'm disappointed in myself, but lifted up by those who care for me. This time it climaxed with a phone call. Saturday night I had planned to return from road tripping to Indy, so that I could meet with a family friend, Jim Collins for a Spanish Mass at St. Procopius parish in Chicago, and then for brunch afterwards. It's been years since I've seen Jim.

Saturday night I was, we were, having such a fun time @ Sarah's that I made a last-minute decision at 10:30pm to just stay the night. I didn't call Jim that evening, or that day, or the next day, or the day after. For some reason I was just reluctant to call him... some unknown combination of childish pride and shame. Sure, sounds weird to you folks, even sounded weird to him when I just now called him I'm sure. But not weird to me, and definitely natural. The frustrating thing, too, is that connecting with him and getting involved in the type of service that Jesuits are into, here in Chicago, is very very important to me. I can't just blow off things like this.

But... when I called, he shrugged it off, and offered to try it again this weekend. The more I think about it, the more I can distill it down to one simple theme: Our God is a just and merciful God, and I tend towards the "just" aspect more heavily than I do the "merciful"... and it shines through to all of my preconceptions.


Today is the feast day of Kateri Tekakwitha who died in 1680 at the age of 24, after having converted to Christianity 3 years prior, and chosen celibacy before even being aware of it being an option for women. The Jesuit missionaries had not shown her the celibate life for women, she committed herself to it completely of her own accord... despite the fact that her culture based the entire worth of a woman on the man she marries and the children she bears.
I am not my own; I have given myself to Jesus. He must be my only love. The state of helpless poverty that may befall me if I do not marry does not frighten me. All I need is a little food and a few pieces of clothing. With the work of my hands I shall always earn what is necessary and what is left over I’ll give to my relatives and to the poor. If I should become sick and unable to work, then I shall be like the Lord on the cross. He will have mercy on me and help me, I am sure.